Okay. . . I'm back!
I know some of you have been waiting to see what other lessons I'd mention. I don't know if this is what you're expecting but here goes ;-).
1) Trust Your Instincts! You might think this is common sense [yeah. . . okay]. . . but I'm so serious. I can't tell you how many times I've had a feeling about something, didn't listen to it but later wished that I had. *That idea goes for general situations in life but it can definitely apply to relationships as well.* Sometimes a guy doesn't even have to say or do anything in particular but you get a vibe from him that says, "Maybe I should leave this one alone." Listen to it!
2) You don't need to make yourself available or accessible to everyone. My family and coworkers can tell you that I am generally an immediate response type of girl. Most of them say I'm too nice but I never want people to think that I'm ignoring their messages (unless I really am :-p). Maybe some of you are like that too. I've learned that sometimes people pick up on our willingness to "be there" and use it against us. (It might not be intentional on their part but it's definitely not a good feeling.) It's nice to be reliable and dependable but don't willingly become someone's doormat or back-up plan. You don't have to answer every text message or phone call right away (or at all, for that matter). If people aren't treating you with the respect and dignity that you deserve, don't let them think that they deserve to have your time and energy. . .
3) Sometimes you need to ask the difficult questions. This can be tricky but I hope you get where I'm coming from. There are times when we don't want to ask questions because we're afraid of the answers we'll receive. I wonder. . . what's worse? Would you rather deal with the possibility of being uncomfortable in the moment [that you have the difficult conversation] and then receive clarity OR simply sweep your concerns under the rug? You'd then be left-> constantly checking to see if those same issues would peek out and cause you to remain uncomfortable for a lifetime. I'd rather go with the first choice. Your peace of mind should be a top priority!
4) Mixed Signals may be clearer than you think. This goes back to #4 from Lessons From Strangers (Part 1). For some reason, (ladies) we seem to be good at making up excuses or providing exceptions for people who don't necessarily deserve them. I'm tired of seeing girls make attempts to decipher what a dude is saying to them or how he feels about them. (I've done it too...) If you're getting mixed signals, I want you consider this. . . At the end of the day, the man who deserves you will respect you. Their intentions will be clear and they won't treat you like a yo-yo-> picking and choosing when they want to deal with you. If you're getting mixed signals, keep this in mind. . . Life is complicated enough. You don't need to be included in someone else's confusion. And you don't need to allow someone to add confusion to your life.
5) Just a friend??? I wasn't even going to include this but I keep thinking about it. Please be realistic when it comes down to "male friends." A lot of people actually debate about whether it's possible for guys and girls to simply be friends. Personally, I think it is possible if both parties are honest with each other and are on the same page as far as expectations, etc. Let me put this out there-> ladies, if a guy (especially a new acquaintance) has made it abundantly clear that he wants to sleep with you (and you're NOT interested in that), a platonic friendship probably won't work. I honestly tried to steer a situation like this into the friend zone but found myself constantly on edge- just waiting for the guy to say something that was out of pocket {and he did}. After a while, it got to be too much and I ended up cutting off the communication.
6) Life is what you make it! Enjoy it! It amazes/bothers/disturbs me to see posts on social media from young women who believe that their life is insignificant because they don't have a "boo." This "woe is me"... "my life is boring" mentality is for the birds! If you don't like how something's going- change it! I'm not saying for you to go out and look for a man but make the most of the life you're given! I challenge you to do something every week that makes you happy! Whether it's having a relaxing movie night, treating yourself to a special purchase or spending time with loved ones. . . Cultivate a life of happiness for yourself so that you won't depend on another person in order to experience it.
I hope something that I've written here makes sense ;-). Feel free to share your thoughts and any other lessons you've learned below!
Thanks for reading!
I know some of you have been waiting to see what other lessons I'd mention. I don't know if this is what you're expecting but here goes ;-).
2) You don't need to make yourself available or accessible to everyone. My family and coworkers can tell you that I am generally an immediate response type of girl. Most of them say I'm too nice but I never want people to think that I'm ignoring their messages (unless I really am :-p). Maybe some of you are like that too. I've learned that sometimes people pick up on our willingness to "be there" and use it against us. (It might not be intentional on their part but it's definitely not a good feeling.) It's nice to be reliable and dependable but don't willingly become someone's doormat or back-up plan. You don't have to answer every text message or phone call right away (or at all, for that matter). If people aren't treating you with the respect and dignity that you deserve, don't let them think that they deserve to have your time and energy. . .
3) Sometimes you need to ask the difficult questions. This can be tricky but I hope you get where I'm coming from. There are times when we don't want to ask questions because we're afraid of the answers we'll receive. I wonder. . . what's worse? Would you rather deal with the possibility of being uncomfortable in the moment [that you have the difficult conversation] and then receive clarity OR simply sweep your concerns under the rug? You'd then be left-> constantly checking to see if those same issues would peek out and cause you to remain uncomfortable for a lifetime. I'd rather go with the first choice. Your peace of mind should be a top priority!
4) Mixed Signals may be clearer than you think. This goes back to #4 from Lessons From Strangers (Part 1). For some reason, (ladies) we seem to be good at making up excuses or providing exceptions for people who don't necessarily deserve them. I'm tired of seeing girls make attempts to decipher what a dude is saying to them or how he feels about them. (I've done it too...) If you're getting mixed signals, I want you consider this. . . At the end of the day, the man who deserves you will respect you. Their intentions will be clear and they won't treat you like a yo-yo-> picking and choosing when they want to deal with you. If you're getting mixed signals, keep this in mind. . . Life is complicated enough. You don't need to be included in someone else's confusion. And you don't need to allow someone to add confusion to your life.
5) Just a friend??? I wasn't even going to include this but I keep thinking about it. Please be realistic when it comes down to "male friends." A lot of people actually debate about whether it's possible for guys and girls to simply be friends. Personally, I think it is possible if both parties are honest with each other and are on the same page as far as expectations, etc. Let me put this out there-> ladies, if a guy (especially a new acquaintance) has made it abundantly clear that he wants to sleep with you (and you're NOT interested in that), a platonic friendship probably won't work. I honestly tried to steer a situation like this into the friend zone but found myself constantly on edge- just waiting for the guy to say something that was out of pocket {and he did}. After a while, it got to be too much and I ended up cutting off the communication.
6) Life is what you make it! Enjoy it! It amazes/bothers/disturbs me to see posts on social media from young women who believe that their life is insignificant because they don't have a "boo." This "woe is me"... "my life is boring" mentality is for the birds! If you don't like how something's going- change it! I'm not saying for you to go out and look for a man but make the most of the life you're given! I challenge you to do something every week that makes you happy! Whether it's having a relaxing movie night, treating yourself to a special purchase or spending time with loved ones. . . Cultivate a life of happiness for yourself so that you won't depend on another person in order to experience it.
I hope something that I've written here makes sense ;-). Feel free to share your thoughts and any other lessons you've learned below!
Thanks for reading!
Very well written and a great encouragement for women to meditate on.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I really appreciate you reading it and offering your feedback :-). Love ya!
DeleteShe did it again people!!!! Go girl! Just waiting on your book boo ;) I love it!
ReplyDeleteOh my... I must have really done something if *you* left a comment haha! Thanks so much for the love though! I appreciate you!
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