I've written/re-written this post so many times that I decided to start over and say what I think is really important. . .
Ladies! It is so much more important to look for ways to improve your relationship with God- than to figure out how to "get a man!" I know... I know... I don't have one, BUT I'm fine with that (lol).
In this day and time, it seems like ladies are struggling to recognize and walk in their worth. Some feel that they need a man to complete them or their life will have no purpose.
If you need to be reminded, just read Psalm 139:14!
It's so easy to get distracted in this thing called life. So we have to be careful, or else we'll lose focus on the things that are truly important.
Let me take you back for a minute. . .when I was 19, I "dated" this guy and actually believed that he just might be my husband. (Oh goodness- I was so young!) Anyway-> I have to remind myself that I didn't imagine this or make it up. He called me and asked me out. We had great conversations and we were both very involved with our churches.
Over time (a short time = red flag in this case), he brought up marriage. He told me that he could see me being an amazing wife/mother. He wanted to have children and raise them in the church- like we had been. The whole idea of a wedding came from him. I resisted at first, but after a while my roommate and I were scanning David's Bridal and similar websites. I tried to be (what I thought was) "the good girlfriend." My "bf" was in the military and serving in his 2nd tour. I wrote letters/emails, sent cards and gifts for his birthday/Christmas and prayed for him constantly. His family loved me and I think everyone was under the impression that (once I graduated from college) a serious step would be taken.
So I thought. . .
Months go by and like I say, "intuition was/is a beast!" I had this crazy feeling that something wasn't right. More time passed and my suspicions were confirmed. My boyfriend is back in the U.S. and I heard nothing from him- AT ALL! I finally resolved in my mind that the fairy tale was over. HOWEVER, all these people really thought that we were engaged. Talk about awkward?!
It's interesting though. I was reminded of a conversation that he and I had before he left the country. We talked about the expectations that we had for one another. All he said to me was, "Just keep living for God." Wow- that's crazy for me to even type! I had to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. And as years have passed- we've seen each other since then and I can honestly say that that (living for God) has been my focus. Man or no man. . . In a relationship or single- if I claim to be a Christian, my life's actions have to speak for me. I've been able to accomplish things that I never would have- had I done like some PEOPLE told me to do and left school for a man! Today, I can truly thank God for NOT giving me what I thought I wanted! (Click here to read more)
OH! Another thing. . . ladies, just because you meet a guy at church or a 'gospel music function,' that does NOT make them automatically "saved". They may not necessarily have your best interests at heart. While you may be known as the sweet/polite/Bible-quoting and carrying church girl, you do not have to be naive. Yes- words are nice, but if their actions don't line up with what they're saying, pay attention. I've been around long enough to know that just because guys are in the church (building), that doesn't mean that the church (more importantly- the Holy Ghost) is in them!
If you ever find yourself in a situation with a "church boy" and they're trying to push limits/lower your standards, drop them like a hot potato and move on! The guy who is meant for you will RESPECT you! And beware of the guys who purposely do wrong but try to use scriptures to excuse their bad behavior! (Don't even get me started on that.)
When I was young(er), I decided that my relationship with God is more important than a few minutes of "pleasure" and I hope you agree. It may not be an easy journey (read this!) but I believe it's-> No, I'm worth it!
Please don't get me wrong. I don't want you to be suspicious of every guy you meet but please be careful. Know that you are beautiful and created for a purpose. Don't look for validation from a man. You are important because God created you and gave you life! Make the most of it- in a way that is pleasing to Him!
If you're struggling with the idea of loving yourself, make a specific effort to spend time with God. Heather Lindsey talks about that (here). Surround yourself with people who will build you up and encourage you in your walk with God.
Most of all, make HIM your primary focus. [And don't pray for a man. I love how 'Miss Aleck' explains her experience (here).]
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
-Matthew 6:34 {The Message//REMIX}
You can do all things through Christ! So go and live for Him!
Ladies! It is so much more important to look for ways to improve your relationship with God- than to figure out how to "get a man!" I know... I know... I don't have one, BUT I'm fine with that (lol).
In this day and time, it seems like ladies are struggling to recognize and walk in their worth. Some feel that they need a man to complete them or their life will have no purpose.
If you need to be reminded, just read Psalm 139:14!
"I thank you, High God-- You're breathtaking! Body & soul, I am marvelously made!"
-{The Message//REMIX}
It's so easy to get distracted in this thing called life. So we have to be careful, or else we'll lose focus on the things that are truly important.
Let me take you back for a minute. . .when I was 19, I "dated" this guy and actually believed that he just might be my husband. (Oh goodness- I was so young!) Anyway-> I have to remind myself that I didn't imagine this or make it up. He called me and asked me out. We had great conversations and we were both very involved with our churches.
Over time (a short time = red flag in this case), he brought up marriage. He told me that he could see me being an amazing wife/mother. He wanted to have children and raise them in the church- like we had been. The whole idea of a wedding came from him. I resisted at first, but after a while my roommate and I were scanning David's Bridal and similar websites. I tried to be (what I thought was) "the good girlfriend." My "bf" was in the military and serving in his 2nd tour. I wrote letters/emails, sent cards and gifts for his birthday/Christmas and prayed for him constantly. His family loved me and I think everyone was under the impression that (once I graduated from college) a serious step would be taken.
So I thought. . .
Months go by and like I say, "intuition was/is a beast!" I had this crazy feeling that something wasn't right. More time passed and my suspicions were confirmed. My boyfriend is back in the U.S. and I heard nothing from him- AT ALL! I finally resolved in my mind that the fairy tale was over. HOWEVER, all these people really thought that we were engaged. Talk about awkward?!
It's interesting though. I was reminded of a conversation that he and I had before he left the country. We talked about the expectations that we had for one another. All he said to me was, "Just keep living for God." Wow- that's crazy for me to even type! I had to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. And as years have passed- we've seen each other since then and I can honestly say that that (living for God) has been my focus. Man or no man. . . In a relationship or single- if I claim to be a Christian, my life's actions have to speak for me. I've been able to accomplish things that I never would have- had I done like some PEOPLE told me to do and left school for a man! Today, I can truly thank God for NOT giving me what I thought I wanted! (Click here to read more)
OH! Another thing. . . ladies, just because you meet a guy at church or a 'gospel music function,' that does NOT make them automatically "saved". They may not necessarily have your best interests at heart. While you may be known as the sweet/polite/Bible-quoting and carrying church girl, you do not have to be naive. Yes- words are nice, but if their actions don't line up with what they're saying, pay attention. I've been around long enough to know that just because guys are in the church (building), that doesn't mean that the church (more importantly- the Holy Ghost) is in them!
If you ever find yourself in a situation with a "church boy" and they're trying to push limits/lower your standards, drop them like a hot potato and move on! The guy who is meant for you will RESPECT you! And beware of the guys who purposely do wrong but try to use scriptures to excuse their bad behavior! (Don't even get me started on that.)
When I was young(er), I decided that my relationship with God is more important than a few minutes of "pleasure" and I hope you agree. It may not be an easy journey (read this!) but I believe it's-> No, I'm worth it!
Please don't get me wrong. I don't want you to be suspicious of every guy you meet but please be careful. Know that you are beautiful and created for a purpose. Don't look for validation from a man. You are important because God created you and gave you life! Make the most of it- in a way that is pleasing to Him!
If you're struggling with the idea of loving yourself, make a specific effort to spend time with God. Heather Lindsey talks about that (here). Surround yourself with people who will build you up and encourage you in your walk with God.
Most of all, make HIM your primary focus. [And don't pray for a man. I love how 'Miss Aleck' explains her experience (here).]
"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
-Matthew 6:34 {The Message//REMIX}
You can do all things through Christ! So go and live for Him!
Here's a song to encourage you. . . Relationship- Regina Skeeters (performed by Nadia Bull)
Girl I put my initial comment on the wrong post lol. But know this sis, this was a wonderful piece about your transition from temporal love to eternal...Oh boy definitely did you a favor! Don't kno what's wrong w these brothas tryin to lock us down & then pull a switch on us smh. Wonderful post sis
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! It seems to be a common thing (lock down-> bait & switch). And you're right. He did me a favor; I truly appreciate the lessons I've learned from this. . .
DeleteLoved reading this, Kara. So inspiring and real and honest and true.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rachel! That's exactly what I was aiming/hoping for :-)
DeleteI agree with Rachel. Thanks for being so open! Amen!!! God is faithful and true. . . let's keep our eyes on Him and live to please Him!!
DeleteAww Kim/ thanks so much! You know that I really was hesitant to write this but I'm so glad that I did. And yes- let's keep our eyes on Him and live to please Him! :-)
DeleteWOW...I love your transparency....also known as "straight talk"...:). So many times my ladies close their eyes to the red flashing lights in front of them and create the green light in their minds. Fantasy vs Reality. My lady you recognized reality...and the reality is God protected you for the person who will love,respect and appreciate the beauty that He has placed on the inside of you. As long as your eyes are on the LORD ur eyes will be wide open. Much blessings! I am thankful you allow the LORD to use you in writing this piece,because even though everyone hasn't responded...it has helped someone! Keep allowing HIM to use you!
DeleteThanks so much, Sis. Alice! You said a mouthful & I TOTALLY agree ;-). I truly appreciate the love and encouragement! God bless you too!
Delete