Guarding Your Heart

{From the February 2015 issue of Women's Elevation Magazine}

*This piece was inspired by Kara’s blog post- “Lessons from Strangers (Part 1). . . You’re Beautiful!”*

Okay ladies! It’s that time of year. We’re seeing chocolate and flowers EVERYWHERE . . . Valentine’s Day is coming. As we get closer to February 14th, I just want to encourage you to be careful. It can be easy to get caught up in the hype and feel like you need to have someone special in your life.

The New Living Translation of Proverbs 4:23 reads, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” These days, I don’t know if many people consider the truth in that statement. It seems like the more popular idea is, “Anything {Anybody} is better than nothing {nobody}” but that’s not always the case. I want to share part of my own story to remind you to proceed with caution when it comes down to matters of the heart.

A while ago, I randomly met someone who was sweet, hilarious, (FINE!) and just cool to be around. The way we met [in a grocery store] was something out of sitcom! He kept me laughing as we went through the checkout line and walked out of the store. Before we parted ways, we exchanged phone numbers and said we’d talk later that night.

Communication was not an issue with him at all! He wanted to stay in contact so we texted and talked late into the night. During our initial phone conversation, I realized that I just couldn’t be in a relationship with him but for the next few days, I found myself trying to justify things.

Sometimes I feel that we (women) voluntarily handicap ourselves. We restrict our own abilities and senses. {It all actually boils down to denial.} When he and I talked, I heard what he said. Besides telling me how beautiful I was and that he’d “never met anyone like me” before, I heard some things that simply did not sit well with me. I realize now that I wanted to overlook the not-so-great things because I wanted to keep him in my life (somebody vs. nobody)-> even if he was just a friend (or so I told myself)! In my heart, I knew I needed to cut things off but when I looked at him (we ended up going to lunch “as friends”), I saw how handsome he was. It had been a while since I’d been out with a guy or had someone calling/texting- just making me feel wanted and cared about. And he loved saying, “Kara- come on. . . you know we’d look good together!” Ugh!

The fact was- I already had established specific standards for my life AND relationships. I basically live by the saying, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything” so I knew that something had to give. As nice as it was to have someone texting me throughout the next few days (cutting this off was a more difficult process than I expected), I knew that the situation wasn’t fair to either of us.  He would call me “babe” or refer to me as “his girl” and I would almost wince because I wanted to be that even though I knew that would mean compromising my standards.  Finally, it got to be too much. “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” What kind of course was I placing myself on?

The standards that I set for myself stemmed from my relationship with God! Was some dude really worth jeopardizing that? I don’t think so! I had to remind myself that while I wouldn’t have this guy blowing up my phone, I still had access to an unconditional love that would never put me in a compromising situation. God’s Love towards us is unfailing! In the words of Jill Scott/Robert Glasper Experiment, “I don’t even have to question if it’s real or not. You’re right there, at all times.”

So ladies, in the event that you meet a cute smooth talker or you’re tempted to text your ex who you know is unstable (take that however you want), remember that you are daughters of the King. You deserve someone who will honor you and your integrity. Whether or not they happen to be in the picture right now, focus on nurturing the love you have for yourself and God.

Stay focused on the main thing (pleasing Him) and everything else (relationship or not) will fall into place! You are Loved!

Kara Frison is a 2010 graduate of Hood College who strives to inspire others through her writing.  You can read more of her thoughts at www.softwordsbrighteyes.blogspot.com and learn about her organization- Ladies of Virtue. . . Empowered! (for women- 14 & older) by visiting www.facebook.com/LadiesOfVirtueEmpowered.